“If SHTF, I’ll just come to your house!”
I can’t tell you the number of times someone has said this to me—or how mad it makes me when I hear it.
Unfortunately, we live in a time when people feel entitled to take what isn’t theirs.
It’s very common for people to act as freeloaders and mooch off others. Often, it’s silly stuff like using someone else’s Netflix password.
But for those who don't prepare, freeloading is going to be a means of survival when SHTF.
The problem for many of us who do prepare is our loved ones who aren’t preparing.
This puts those of us who prepare in a tough situation.
We have to tell our friends and family that, when the time comes, “What’s mine isn’t necessarily yours.”
If you are struggling with how to tell your loved ones that you will not help them, we’ve got some suggestions to make the conversation a little easier.
The #1 Rule: You Can’t Help Everyone
First things first: It’s impossible for you to help everyone.
The next thing you need to understand is that it is not your responsibility to help everyone. Especially those who had the opportunity to prepare and didn’t.
The cold hard truth is that everyone knows they should be preparing for emergencies. And everyone has had the opportunity.
For whatever reason, they chose not to stock up on preparedness food and gear.
But their lack of planning doesn’t constitute an emergency for you. It’s their emergency. Not yours.
Whether it’s a lengthy power outage or civil disturbance, we have no way of knowing how long it will be before things go back to normal… if they ever will.
Therefore, you must ration your supplies carefully.
If you allow those who haven’t prepared to eat from your emergency stash, you will have less food for yourself and your immediate family.
Don’t Advertise Your Preparedness
When it comes to discussing preparedness, think of it like Fight Club: “The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.”
Don’t discuss your preparedness with people who haven't prioritized preparedness. It’s that simple.
You don’t want anyone you don’t trust to know about your preparedness stash.
This opens up the possibility of others thinking they can “just come to your house when SHTF.”
Wrong!
It is for this very reason that My Patriot Supply ships their emergency food products in unmarked boxes.
This rule even applies to loved ones you do trust.
If your close friends and family members know what you have and they don’t believe in preparing themselves, who do you think they're going to turn to when SHTF?
[Related Read: Navigating the Aftermath: Hiding Signs of Life after Disaster]
Set Boundaries
Let’s say it’s a little too late for the Fight Club rule.
Your close friends and family already know that you have emergency food, a water filtration system, and off-grid power gear.
How do you handle it when they suggest they don’t need to prepare because you already have?
Start by setting clear boundaries and having non-negotiables.
Boundaries are necessary for all healthy relationships. Unfortunately, most of us struggle with setting them.
Setting boundaries requires you to tell your loved ones directly what you will and will not allow when it comes to helping them out.
For example: “My emergency preparedness supplies are intended for my immediate family and my immediate family alone. My home is our safe place. We will not allow anyone to stay with us that potentially is dangerous or places us in dangerous situations because of their choices.”
Clarify Expectations
Part of setting boundaries is clarifying expectations. Clearly tell your loved ones what you will and will not do.
If you do not spell it out for them, they will expect to receive help from you.
The next time someone says that they’ll just come to your house if SHTF, reply directly with your boundaries.
Here are some examples of what you could say:
- I only have enough supplies for my family of four. As much as I would like to help you, I will not since it means not taking care of my immediate family.
- I will only give you rice and beans. You will not get any of the better tasting, versatile emergency meals.
- I’m telling you now to stock up on supplies because I will not be sharing.
- I would love to help you get started on preparing, especially since you won’t be able to ask others for their preparedness supplies.
- You can try to come to our home, but unless you have our safe word, you are not getting in.
- Have you watched any end-of-world movies? It’s every man for himself! Expect me to act that way if things get bad.
- I’ll tell you what. Let’s pick a day for me to come over and help you make an emergency plan so you won’t have to be a freeloader.
Provide Guidelines for Being a Trusted Member of Your Community
I know some of you will think these direct responses are too harsh, especially when we are talking about loved ones we really do want to help.
Another option is to push them to preparing themselves and allowing them to become part of your preparedness community.
This conversation is a little different.
When your loved one suggests they’ll just head your way when SHTF, explain that you’d love them to join the preparedness community.
Explain that it is better to have like-minded people working together, especially in survival situations.
But point out that this doesn’t mean just showing up and expecting to receive.
If they plan to show up and join your community, you will have expectations for them.
Take some time to prepare a list of guidelines that you can share with them. For instance, when they suggest heading your way when SHTF, tell them, "We’d love to have you, but you’re going to have to follow some guidelines to stay with us. Here are a few of the expectations we will have..."
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Must-Haves: Don’t show up empty-handed. You will need to have enough emergency food and water for your family for at least two weeks. You will need basic survival gear for every member of your family. We will not have enough to share. You must have your own supplies.
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Children, Elderly, and Pets: If you have children, elderly adults, and pets, you must have supplies prepared for them. We will not have extras.
- Skills and Contributions: You will be expected to help contribute for the duration of this event. This may mean rotating solar panels, building shelters, or gardening. Do not expect to show up and simply be taken care of. In our community, we are all working to survive.
Prepare to Lie
When it comes to survival, people get desperate.
As hard as it may be, you may need to flat-out lie.
If SHTF and someone shows up at your doorstep looking for handouts, prepare to lie through your teeth.
If you think you have already told people too much about your preparedness situation, start walking back on some of what you’ve shared.
Tell loved ones you’ve already been using your emergency food because inflation has made food costs rise, so your stash has gotten significantly smaller.
How to Convince Loved Ones to Prepare
Everyone should prepare for emergencies.
We teach our people not to drive on an empty tank. We tell people to have candles and flashlights in case of a power outage.
Preparedness just takes it a bit further and prepares for lengthier disasters.
The word “prepper” gets a bad rep. It also brings up hidden fears. People don’t want to imagine mega-disasters or end-of-the-world scenarios.
Therefore, don’t lead with fear. Avoid telling loved ones to prepare in case SHTF. Instead, focus on events that have already happened, such as Hurricane Katrina, cyberattacks on power plants, or pandemics.
Talk about individual experiences.
Give them a one-week emergency food kit for Christmas or a water filtration straw to keep in their car just because.
Start small by getting them to prepare for basic emergencies.
Don’t be an enabler, friends.
In liberty,
Elizabeth Anderson
Preparedness Advisor, My Patriot Supply
